Road to Remembrance
by DiM writer
Summary: COMPLETE! This is a story about remembering the past and a love that is too strong to break. HGDM flashbacks. Please RR!
1. Can I Ask You a Question?

This is a story about Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. This is a story that will hopefully leave you guessing until the end. A story about everlasting love. A story about moving on. And a story about forgetting.  
  
The Road to Remembrance Chapter One: Can I ask you a question?  
  
I was sitting in my usual spot, the cushioned chair out on the balcony of our 5th floor apartment. I could hear sirens in the distance, saw people walking carelessly down 18th street, saw lightning strike across the river. This was my mundane existence. I heard keys jingling outside the door and looked away as my husband Eric walked into the apartment. I pretended I hadn't seen him come in.  
  
He walked quietly out onto the balcony and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shivered at his touch. He kissed the top of my head but I still didn't acknowledge him. I didn't deserve him; he was too kind, too forgiving.  
  
"Hey baby, you want some dinner? I brought home a chicken from the market." I shook my head no, and with a sigh he went back inside, closing the sliding glass door behind him. I looked out at the bleak sky and wondered why he stayed with me.  
  
I met Eric when I was 24 years old. He was handsome, with curly brown hair and eyes that could make a woman melt. However, I didn't even notice him until he asked me out one Thursday morning, right after a staff meeting. Both fresh out of law school, we worked in a firm in New York City, helping the poor, taking hopeless cases, trying to fight the ever symbolic 'man'.  
  
I was hesitant at first. I didn't know him and he most certainly didn't know me. He knew nothing about my past, about my education, about my friends, my world. I agreed to coffee and although we hit it off well, I declined a second date. He was persistent, however, and he asked me out several more times. I finally gave in after talking to Ginny one day.  
  
"You need to move on, Hermione. We all need to move on." She told me. Although my mind agreed, my heart was screaming 'NO!'. Eric and I went out for eleven months before he proposed, and when he asked me that crucial question I said yes.  
  
I couldn't believe what I had done. I still wasn't over everything that had happened, I couldn't be with him. But now... I felt obligated. I liked Eric, really I did, but he could never compare. He could never compare to my one true love...  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
The music was overwhelmingly loud in the crowded hall; I grimaced as she downed yet another drink. This was my last year at Hogwarts, and had to make it count. No way was I going to waste all my time doing what I had done every other year. I had worked so hard for nothing. I wanted to have fun this year.  
  
Every year I buried myself in work, I didn't really have any friends. I had worked so hard to get one thing and it had all been a big joke all along. I wanted to be Head Girl, and I wanted to be part of the Magical Alliance for Students. It was basically the elite of the wizarding community. But since I didn't have enough extracurricular activities I wasn't accepted into the group. I found out that morning that my application had been denied.  
  
With emotions running rampant and thoughts swirling in my head I felt dizzy. I just wanted to forget. So now I was drinking shots of firewhiskey and a few other drinks at the start of the year party down in the Ravenclaw common room. Everyone was surprised to see me there, but i didn't care; they better get used to it.  
  
"Well if it isn't mudblood Granger. Aren't we out a bit late?" A cold voice said from behind me. I laughed and turned slowly around, eyeing the speaker.  
  
"Don't antagonize me Malfoy. What the hell do you want?" Malfoy's eyebrows rose, surprised to hear foul language out of such a perceived pure mouth.  
  
"What's gotten into you Granger? Given up on innocence, or did someone just slip a little something into your butterbeer?"  
  
"You are just so funny. Forgive me if I don't laugh. Now, I have better things to do, like hmm say talking to a brick wall, or maybe cursing myself to do a tap dance. Actually that could be quite amusing, but that's not the point." I started rambling.  
  
"What is the point Granger?" He asked, I could tell he was becoming annoyed and regretting that he had ever come up to talk to me in the first place. I laughed and bent over a little, spilling the contents of my cup onto his expensive robes.  
  
"Oops, sorry." I repressed my giggles and turned my face to avoid looking at his reddening face.  
  
"You bitch, these are made of silk! How dare you! No wonder you didn't get into Magical Alliance, they wouldn't want such a klutz in their organization." I stared at him, contemplating what he had just said. He had struck below the belt. I shook my head, going quickly from laughing to crying, silent tears welling up in my eyes.  
  
"I suppose you got in, by the means of your fathers money I assume." He nodded.  
  
"It matters not the means, all that matters now is that I'm in, and you, perfect little know-it-all, are not. How does it feel to be beaten?"  
  
"Pretty shitty to tell you the truth. Which is why I am going to get another drink. Hopefully I won't remember this foul encounter in the morning. Now if you will excuse me..." I turned to walk away. I could feel his eyes bore into the back of my head, he had to know what had caused me, this 'good girl', to go bad.  
  
"I think if you want something to help you forget, you should come with me. You won't find any here." He whispered. I gave him a questioning look, but followed him, against my best judgment. "Don't let anyone see you're following me until we're out of here."  
  
We ascended the stairs and exited the tower, walking leisurely down the hall. I wavered a bit with each step; my balance was beginning to be effected by the alcohol. I broke the silence with a hiccup, and Malfoy's laughter followed.  
  
"I've never been drunk before." I said matter-of-factly, catching up with him.  
  
"Really, I never would have guessed." He said sarcastically. What a git.  
  
"Are you drunk right now, Malllllfoy?" He shook his head, and I continued. "Why not? You should try it sometime. Cause like, right now, I don't think I've ever been this upset in my life, but it doesn't matter. That's a great feeling, you know?"  
  
"Oh yea, I know." He said lightly, ignoring me for the most part. I really was stone drunk, I bet my speech was barely coherent. Malfoy noticed I was walking closer to him, and then all the sudden I was whispering in his ear.  
  
"Can I ask you a question?" He nodded, pushing me away slightly. "I was just thinking, I've never spent any time outside of class with you. And you are a lot more... nicer... now. You're such a meanie sometimes." I was silent. He waited, and nodded.  
  
"There was no question."  
  
"So? Why does there have to be a question?" I asked, confused. It's amazing what alcohol can do to you.  
  
"You said you wanted to ask me a question."  
  
"No I didn't." He laughed again, only the second time I had ever heard genuine laughter out of him.  
  
"I assure you, you did. But it doesn't matter. We're almost to my dorm, so be quiet OK? We'll talk when we get inside." I nodded. He walked up to a statue and said the password quietly. The statue moved and allowed us passage. I could feel the warmth of a fire when we stepped inside, and I followed silently behind him.  
  
"You're Head Boy too? Jeez. You've got it all."  
  
"Oh please. Even you've got more going for yourself than I do. Sit down; I'll get that drink for you." He walked up some stairs and I heard a door open. I followed him, I wanted to see the bedroom since I wasn't going to be staying in one. At the top of the stairs I pushed open the door and stepped inside.  
  
"Do you mind if look in here?" I called. He stepped out of his closet, and shrugged before going back to his search.  
  
"It's like a palace." I commented as I ran my hand over the silken green comforter.  
  
"Hermione, come here for a second. I need help." I walked over to the closet and saw him trying to pull open a floorboard. He handed me a box filled to the brim with different potions of sort. "Hold that for a second will you?"  
  
He finally got the floorboard up and placed much of the contents of the box underneath it. He also grabbed a few books from behind his trunk and stuffed them in as well. Replacing the board he got up and took the box from me.  
  
"Had to get my stash in order." I nodded, looking at him strangely.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" He bit his lip and then sighed.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said earlier. And then I felt bad; you looked so sad." I shook my head.  
  
"You don't have to pity me. I'm a big girl."  
  
"I know." We stood in silence for a moment before Draco sat the box down and pulled me after him downstairs.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"That's my bedroom... and it has my bed in it." I nodded, looking at him as if he were a child. "No, OK what I meant was... Once I give you that potion, you won't remember anything. And I would be way too tempted to do something if opportunity arose."  
  
"Thank you then. But I don't know if I really want to take it. I have to remember otherwise I'll never get over it." He nodded. "Is that the only reason you brought me here? Because you felt sorry for me?"  
  
"No." I'm sure I looked surprised. "I thought that even though we aren't friends now that we could be. I really need a friend. And in your drunken state I figured you would just do whatever I asked, and so far I've been right." We smiled.  
  
"That was unexpected. But in a good way I guess."  
  
"So you'll consider it?"  
  
"Consider it done."  
  
**********************************  
  
"Hermione, sweetie, you should come inside. It's starting to rain." Eric yelled from the kitchen. He was cutting up the chicken and putting it onto a plate. I nodded and strode quickly and quietly from the balcony, out of the living room/kitchen, and into our bedroom. I didn't look at him as I walked away. I couldn't bear to see that disappointed look he gets whenever I'm thinking of Draco.  
  
Of course I've never told him what I'm thinking about at these times. I think he knows though, it wouldn't be that hard to figure out. I didn't tell him about Draco for a long time. He was sympathetic of course, and he knew that he was part of my past. I finally told him about Hogwarts as well, and while that was harder to comprehend, he accepted it, and even found enjoyment in me using magic sometimes.  
  
He once asked me why I left London, why I lived in New York now. I wasn't sure how to explain that one. I cut the story short, telling him that I had to escape my past life after Draco, and that there were too many memories in London. This was true, but there was more. There is always more to the story...  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK- "Mia, can I ask you a question?" I glared at him across the library table.  
  
"Still making fun of me for that? Well har har, very funny. And you know I hate it when you call me Mia." I said. Ever since my drunken night two weeks ago Draco always asked if he could 'ask me a question' just to irk me.  
  
"No really, I want to ask you something." I mouthed 'oh' and nodded. "Well, I was thinking we could go to Hogsmeade together next weekend. It would be fun."  
  
"Sure, sounds fun. I'll tell Harry and Ron-"  
  
"Don't tell them you're going with me."  
  
"Why Draco?" I asked. I wasn't very good at lying to my friends.  
  
"Because they hate me. And I don't want them following us around the whole time. You know they will too, just to make sure I'm not causing you any bodily harm or some crap." I sighed, resigned to the situation at hand.  
  
"I have to tell them sometime. We can't keep this a secret forever. I mean, we're just friends, it's not like I'm dating you or anything." My face went pink.  
  
"Oh, no, of course not. Because that would be weird." He replied hastily. We both nodded. I was so embarrassed, feeling disbelief that something so stupid had come out of my mouth.  
  
"So, Hogsmeade on Saturday morning?" I said, changing the subject. He nodded and I looked back down at my assignment on the table, trying ever so hard to conceal the smile that tugged at my lips.  
  
**********************************  
  
"Mia, please open the door!" Eric called from the hall. Doesn't he know I hate when he calls me that? He knocked softly on the door. I stuffed the letters and newspaper clippings back in the box I kept them in, stuffing it hastily in our closet. I opened the door and gave Eric a half smile. He cocked his head to the side and reached out to stroke my cheek. 'Just like Draco used to do' I thought.  
  
"You wanna talk about it?" He asked cautiously. I shook my head, but leaned against his chest to make him feel needed. He kissed the top of my forehead and stroked my hair. Why did he love me? I guess it's because I gave in so easily to whatever he wanted, I was so malleable. He could be complacent with me; it wouldn't be hard to convince everyone I loved him. But my heart already belonged to another.  
  
"I'm sorry Eric. I wasn't trying to keep you out. My mind is just kind of scattered today." He nodded, though probably not convinced in my explanation.  
  
"It's fine. I'm just here to make things better." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. I let him. I even put my arms around his neck for dramatic effect, to make him really believe I loved him. Maybe that's a reason I picked New York, because I'm such a great actress. I should really market my skills... Pulling away I squeezed his hand.  
  
"Thank you baby. I needed that." He shook his head as if to say 'don't worry about it' and then walked back into the kitchen. Free at last...  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
Draco and I walked down the streets of Hogsmeade in peaceful silence, occasionally pausing to look in the windows of shops. I hadn't told Ron and Harry who I was going with, just that I was going with a friend from another house. At least I wasn't lying. I was simply omitting a big portion of the truth. I noticed that Draco kept looking over at me, and I wondered what he was thinking.  
  
"Draco, can I ask you a question?" He smiled broadly, thinking I was joking. "Oh my gosh, will I never live that down!?"  
  
"No, unfortunately you will not. But do ask your question." I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly before speaking.  
  
"I was just wondering what you were thinking. Before the whole question nonsense, obviously." He blushed, a rare occurrence, and tried to change the subject.  
  
"Oh, look! A sale in the quidditch shop!" I kept him from walking away by grabbing his hand, and when our eyes met it was like electricity.  
  
"I was thinking about you." I smiled, embarrassed.  
  
"What about me Draco?" I stepped a little closer to him.  
  
"About how wonderfully... nosy you are." He said, only inches from my face. I groaned and pulled away from him after that comment. "No, Hermione, just kidding!"  
  
"That was not nice. You totally ruined the moment there."  
  
"The moment? What moment?" He asked, obviously trying to make me more embarrassed than I already was.  
  
"Urgh! Never mind, you stupid oaf." I said angrily before continuing walking. He caught up in a second and pulled me to a halt once again.  
  
"I was thinking about how beautiful you are." I tried to keep the smile from coming, but it was an unstoppable force.  
  
"I guess that changes things a bit." I leaned in, pretending I was going to kiss him. But I stopped just short of his face and whispered "But you're still a stupid oaf."  
  
"Talk about ruining the moment." He said as we continued to walk down the streets, this time, hands intertwined and with a lighter step. I'll never forget the way his eyes glimmered that day.  
  
**********************************  
  
I lay still in bed, hoping that Eric will go to sleep. But alas, his cold fingers found their way to my stomach and his lips touched my shoulders. I opened my eyes in defeat and rolled over to face him. He moved closer until finally he was on top of me. I didn't protest, I didn't want to offend him.  
  
He fumbled clumsily with my shirt and his, and finally he was ready. I was never ready, but I let it occur anyway. My strategy was always the same.  
  
Pretend it's Draco. Think of Draco.  
  
As Eric and I began to rock back and forth I let my mind wander to Draco. He could always pull me through...  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
We were laughing hysterically as we stumbled into his bedroom. We had just escaped Filch. He found us making out in a broom closet and we ran. I don't know if he knew who we were, it was dark and his eyes weren't so good anymore. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to identify us. But the subject was abruptly changed when Draco moved to continue what we had been doing in the closet.  
  
He kissed me with such skill and precision that I had to admire him for it. He was so incredible. No one knew we were dating, we figured it was for the best. I was steadily falling in love with him, and I knew the same was true with him.  
  
As our kiss deepened, we moved over to the bed. We laughed through the kisses as we tried to maneuver ourselves to the bed without breaking the kiss. It was simply impossible. I broke away and ran the rest of the way, hopping on the mattress. Draco didn't follow however. I gave him a questioning look, but he just grinned maniacally at me.  
  
He slowly began to remove his clothes, one piece at a time. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Finally he was in just his skivvies and he sauntered over to me, beckoning me to meet him halfway. I rose and took three paces before we were in very close proximity to each other. He caressed my face and kissed me softly. Then, like a true gentleman, he took my clothes off for me.  
  
It wasn't long before we lay together on his bed, breathing heavily into each other. He was gentle with me. He asked my permission before he did anything. He was so good to me. In the end, I gripped tightly to him, holding back a deep moan. And then I was lying still underneath him, trying to commit every moment of this incredible night to memory. He trailed butterfly kisses down my cheekbone and then rolled over so he was next to me.  
  
"Wow." I said.  
  
"Yeah. Definitely wow." He said. I snuggled closer to him, nestling my head into his shoulder. He was glistening with sweat, and in the dim light looked like an angel.  
  
"I think I love you." I said finally. He didn't respond for a while and then when the room was eerily quiet again he broke the silence.  
  
"Good. Because I think I love you too."  
  
"Then can I ask you a question?" I knew he would laugh at that, and I was right.  
  
"Sure, ask away my drunken princess."  
  
"Can we do this again tomorrow night?" We laughed together, and he kissed the top of my forehead, and we were happy.  
  
**********************************  
  
Eric grunted, and finally it was over. He tried to cradle me but I kissed his cheek and rolled over, feigning exhaustion. He sighed quietly, and I knew he must feel flawed in some way. I wish I loved him as much as he loved me. He deserved better than me. I figured he probably wouldn't be around forever.  
  
After a while I could hear his steady breathing, he was finally asleep. 'Goodnight Eric' I thought. I got in the shower and washed the sweat off of me, I couldn't sleep like that. When I was fully clean, I crept back in the room only to be greeted by a despondent voice.  
  
"Why do you always do that Hermione?" I sighed. I pulled on my robe.  
  
"I'm so sorry Eric." I answered before leaving the room in a hurry.  
  
I sat out on the balcony, tears streaming down my face.  
  
"I guess its luck but it's the same hard luck you've been trying to tame. Maybe its love but its like you said, 'love is like a role that we play'. But I believe in you so much I could die for the words that you say. But I believe in you so much I could die from the words that you say." I started to sing the words of the song that had become my anthem since that day. That horrible day.  
  
"But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing haunting yourself as a real thing. It's getting away from you again, while you're chasing ghosts." I heard Eric come out of the sliding glass door but I kept singing, singing words that I knew would hurt him.  
  
"Just bend the pieces till they fit. Like they were made for it, but they weren't meant for this."  
  
"Hermione, everything's going to be OK. You'll see baby, we can work through this."  
  
I shook my head vigorously, he had no idea. This wasn't a problem to be worked through.  
  
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you, please just talk to me. I want to help fix this." I laughed.  
  
"Oh, God, you think you hurt me. I don't deserve you."  
  
"What do you mean? Of course you do. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. For once I pushed him away.  
  
"Eric, I'm not in love with you. I've always had Draco in the back of my mind. And you just... aren't him." He nodded gravely, and went inside the apartment thinking about what I just told him. I never wanted to hurt him.  
  
**********************************  
  
(A/N) There is more to come. Please review and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. Thank you for reading!! Reviews are appreciated. Expect Chapter 2 very soon. *Drowning in Misery or DiM* 


	2. Which One?

LAST TIME:  
  
"Eric, I'm not in love with you. I've always had Draco in the back of my mind. And you just... aren't him." He nodded gravely, and went inside the apartment thinking about what I just told him. I never wanted to hurt him  
  
**********************************  
  
Road to Remembrance Chapter Two: Which One?  
  
I woke up on the porch, soaking wet. It rained during the night. I sat there for a while, remembering the dream I had just had. I always loved lying there in Draco's arms thinking about anything. No on knew about us then and we couldn't care less.  
  
I sighed as I stood up, stretching my legs and looking out over the bustling city. Draco would have loved it here. I tried to persuade him to come here once, but we never got to.  
  
I walked into the bathroom for a towel and saw Eric wasn't in the bed. The apartment was eerily quiet. I saw a note taped to the nightstand.  
  
'Hermione- I went to Houston for a while to stay with my mom. You have the number if you want to call. Love, Eric'  
  
I didn't blame him for being cold. I deserved that. I know I should never have married him, not when there would always be someone else in my heart. Eric was a good guy. He ought to have someone amazing, someone completely different from me. I wouldn't call him at his mom's house. I had to leave.  
  
I packed a single suitcase with clothes, an extra pair of shoes, and my Draco box. I left a note to Eric. I apologized for treating him so horribly, for being so closed off, for leading him on, and mostly for not loving him. I told him I was leaving, but I didn't say where. I told him not to worry, I would be fine. I would call in a few weeks after I was settled in. I told him to move on, see other people, whatever he wanted to do. I didn't want to hold him back anymore.  
  
I emptied my bank account, but didn't dare touch our joint account, even though some of that money was mine. It was Eric's now. I bought a plane ticket to London, and prepared to relive everything I was running from. I called ahead and told Ginny I was coming. I would stay in her guest room for a while.  
  
The plane started its ascent and I started my journey towards everything I tried so hard to forget.  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Hey Hermione, are you OK?" I snapped out of my reverie and looked into Harry's eyes. He was concerned. I had started 'burying myself in studies' and I hardly ever saw my best friend anymore.  
  
"Yea, I'm fine. I was thinking, that's all." I replied monotonously. He nodded, delving back into his potions homework.  
  
It wasn't a lie; I had been thinking. Draco and I were falling in love. Obviously no one knew, it would be far too scandalous. His mother probably wouldn't be happy. My parents wouldn't be happy simply because they couldn't be there to monitor us. If they knew some of the things we had done... Well, I didn't like to think about that.  
  
And even though we were happy, I still felt lonely sometimes. We couldn't have any PDA, and I couldn't tell Ron or Harry or Ginny. Normal couples got to walk down the hall holding hands. Normal couples walked each other to class. Normal couples got to talk in the hallways without having their friends glaring over their shoulders. But not Draco and I. We would never get to be a normal couple at Hogwarts. We came from two different worlds, and no matter how much we tried to fight that, it was true nonetheless.  
  
**********************************  
  
"Ginny! What on earth are you doing here? I told you I was taking a cab." She shook her head, embracing me. It had been nearly a year since I saw her last.  
  
"Don't be silly. I couldn't wait to see you."  
  
We got my bag and went through lord knows how many security checks. Finally we were out on the street. Ginny beckoned me to follow her, and we reached our destination about 2 blocks away. An apparating point.  
  
"Oh dear. I haven't apparated since..." I bit my lip. She nodded. She seemed to be thinking, and then finally an idea came to her.  
  
"There's a floo station around the corner. Come on, that's much easier." I nodded and she took my bag as we reached the giant fireplace. She went first and then I followed. We ended up in her kitchen. She lived in a small flat about 20 minutes outside the city. I sighed. It was good to be home again, here in London where all my friends and family were.  
  
"Hey so lets get you settled, and then we can talk or eat or go visit some of the old alma mater. Your choice." Ginny led me into my room that I had stayed in so many times before. Ginny wasn't married, despite constant pressure from her family to settle down. That just wasn't my Ginny. She was fun and spontaneous, but not the settling down type.  
  
I folded my clothes and put them in drawers and set the box on a shelf in the closet.  
  
"What's in the box?" Ginny asked over my shoulder.  
  
"Letters, newspaper clippings, other papers." I said quietly.  
  
"About him?" She asked. I knew who she was talking about, and she knew I knew.  
  
"Yes." I whispered. She walked up behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder.  
  
"We could go see-"  
  
"No. I don't want to. Not yet anyway." She nodded, she knew not to pressure me.  
  
"So what do you wanna do today? I'm sure the twins or mum and dad would love to see you." She said cheerily.  
  
"I notice you didn't include Ron in that list." She sighed.  
  
"He wasn't thrilled that you were staying here. You know how he is. But if you guys got to talk, I'm sure he'd see that it's still the same you. He always has been stubborn." I nodded. The last time I saw Ron was at my wedding to Eric, and he and I didn't talk much.  
  
"Do you think we could go to Diagon Alley? I would love to see that place again."  
  
"Vamos!" She shouted.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" She laughed.  
  
"I dated this fine young Spanish man for about a month and picked up on a few things. Vamos means 'lets go'. That's how he wooed me into his bed." I couldn't help but laugh. Ginny was so young. She had obviously never had a broken heart.  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
I sat in potions late one Monday afternoon, half asleep, writing notes off of the blackboard. Ron and Harry were on either side of me, tossing notes back and forth between each other. Finally I got sick of it and grabbed one while it was en route to Harry. He tried to prevent me from reading it, but he wasn't exactly successful.  
  
'Harry, mate, I don't know what to do.'  
  
'Look, it's not that big of a deal. Even if the feeling isn't mutual, she won't hold it against you.'  
  
'Yea yea. It's just... she's been so distant lately. Do you think maybe she's avoiding us on purpose? Or perhaps just me? What if she knows and she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings?'  
  
'You know she wouldn't do that Ron.'  
  
'Yea, I suppose. But I still don't know what to do. She's incredible, why on earth would she go with someone like me?'  
  
'Don't sell yourself short now. You're a bloody good friend, that's for sure. I'm sure she would agree, too. But I think you just have to tell her. She'll come to terms.'  
  
'Thanks Harry. You know, I think I will tell her. You think you could give me a minute after class?'  
  
And that is where the note ended. What the hell was I supposed to do now? It was obvious that Ron was talking about me, and my suspicions were confirmed when I glimpsed him avoiding my glance and going bright red from ear to ear. I sighed and wrote one last note and slid the paper over to Ron.  
  
'I suppose we need to talk, eh? After class?' He read it and nodded, looking quickly away. I guess this wasn't the way he planned on me finding out either.  
  
We sat in a tense silence for the rest of Snape's lecture. I was staring into the back of a blonde head when the bell rang and he quickly sprang from his seat, his eyes landing on me. He gave me a questioning look and I sent a meaningful glance in Ron's direction. I guess he got the picture because he looked as though he wanted to beat the pulp out of Ron (not that that was different that any other time he looked at him). I shook my head and he left, following his cronies out the door. I hoped no one had seen our exchange.  
  
Everyone had vacated the room except for Ron and me now. I motioned for him to come outside and when we stepped out we stood in silence for a long moment.  
  
"I guess I should start with the basics. Ron, was the person you were talking about in that note me?" He nodded. "OK, then second... I guess maybe you should explain exactly what you meant."  
  
"Well I... you... We've been friends for a long time now right?" I nodded, waiting for him to continue. He took a deep breath. "Well lately I've been noticing that my feelings toward you have changed a bit. Well what I mean by that is... I have MORE than friendly feelings for you."  
  
"Ron, I don't know what to say. Harry is right, you are an incredible friend, and I hope we'll always be the best of friends. But I think you should know I don't feel the same way about you. I have someone else now, and even if didn't, I look at you as more of a brother than a boyfriend. Do you understand?" Of course he understood. He wasn't THAT dense. But seeing the look on his face I was beginning to wonder...  
  
"What do you mean 'you have someone else'?" So that was the odd look. I knew I should have chosen my words more carefully.  
  
"Oh it's nothing really." I brushed it off, feeling the panic rise inside me.  
  
"I think it is something Hermione. Are you saying you already have a boyfriend?" I clenched my jaw, mulling the words over in my head. Finally I nodded. "Why didn't you tell Harry and I? Who is it? Does he go here? Do I know him?"  
  
"I have a very good reason for not telling you two, which is why I regret to inform you I can't answer the second question. And yes he goes here and yes I do believe you know him."  
  
"Why can't you tell us?" He asked.  
  
"You wouldn't approve. And we just don't think it's a good idea."  
  
"So he's ashamed of you? Hermione you deserve much better than that. No one should ever be ashamed of you. You're beautiful, and smart, and funny, and- "  
  
"He's not ashamed of me!" I went into defensive mode. But Ron's words struck a chord with me. Was Draco ashamed of me? Is that why he didn't want me to tell Harry and Ron? How did I suddenly become so doubtful?  
  
"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just a bit distressed and obviously so are you. Maybe we should just talk later OK Hermione?" I nodded as he walked away. As soon as he was out of sight I sprinted up to the head dorms. I knocked loudly and obnoxiously until Draco came to the door.  
  
I was winded and I'm sure I looked upset. He welcomed me in and as soon as the door was shut I began to yell.  
  
"Are you ashamed of me?" He was obviously taken aback.  
  
"No! Of course not. Where did you get such a ridiculous idea?"  
  
"Ron. He thinks you're ashamed of me!" Draco laughed.  
  
"Weasley? What does he know? Did you decide to tell them about us?"  
  
"Why do you hate my friends? You are such a PRAT!" I took a breath. Then closed my eyes and shook my head. "Wait... 'decide' to tell them."  
  
"Well yea. If he thinks I'm so ashamed of you I think maybe I should have a talk with him myself. A talk with my fists... They have great conversation skills." I didn't even listen to what he said. He really didn't care if I told them or not. I collapsed into him, squeezing him close.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Hermione, are you OK? One second you're yelling at me and the next you're telling me you're sorry? I feel like I should be the one apologizing. What exactly were you mad about in the first place?" I laughed.  
  
"I didn't tell Ron who I was going out with. He assumed it was because 'he' wouldn't let me tell anyone. And he kept saying that 'he' must be ashamed of me. Then I started thinking about it and I realized that I hadn't told anyone because I didn't think you wanted to. So then I thought maybe Ron was right. And I was just strung out and you were my first stop."  
  
He kissed the top of my head, standing silently in our tight embrace.  
  
"Now I get to apologize. I'm so so so so sorry that you would ever think I was ashamed of you. I could never be even remotely close to ashamed. And I didn't mean to pressure you about not telling people. I thought we both thought it was easier to stay a secret for a while. But I think the while is up. We should tell people."  
  
I nodded excitedly. This is what I had been waiting for. We would be official soon.  
  
**********************************  
  
"Hey 'Mione, what do you think of these?" Ginny called across the store. She was holding up a pair of bright pink high heeled shoes. I personally detested them, I would never be seen in anything like them, but it was very Ginny.  
  
"Those are great! You can wear them with that black skirt you got earlier." She smiled brightly and nodded. I wandered around the shop and saw nothing I couldn't live without. I decided to go visit the twins in their joke shop.  
  
"Ginny, I'm going to Wheezes. See you there in a minute?" She gave a thumbs up and continued her shopping spree. I walked absentmindedly down the streets of Diagon Alley. Finally I reached the bright doors of Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes and swung them open, entering this death trap disguised as a joke store.  
  
"Freddy? George?" I called down the long aisles.  
  
"I recognize that voice, don't you Fred?" George said, suddenly appearing in front of me.  
  
"I most certainly do!" Fred said, next to his brother.  
  
"The one and only Hermione Granger! What brings you to this neck of the woods?" George asked as he gave me a bear hug.  
  
"Can't breathe..." I stuttered. They laughed and George released me.  
  
"It's so good to see you 'Mione. Where've you been?" Fred asked.  
  
"It's good to see both of you. Ginny will be here in a minute. I guess you didn't know I was staying with her?" I asked them.  
  
"Of course we did. We're not completely out of the loop." George said, a crooked grin plastered on his face.  
  
"So how is business?" I asked them.  
  
"Going strong. Really picks up in the summer though. Mischief makers are out of school and stocking up."  
  
"Our followers..." Fred sighed.  
  
"You two are still exactly the same as I remember."  
  
"Au contraire, Freddy here has changed quite a bit." George jabbed him in the ribs. "He turned soft and got a girl."  
  
"What? Are you married Fred?" I asked curiously. He shook his head though.  
  
"No, not yet at least. Engaged. Weddings in a few months. Invitations are in the mail. I suppose you won't be home to get yours though." He smiled as he talked, the telltale sign that he was in love. "Do you remember Alicia Spinnet?"  
  
"You're getting married to Alicia?"  
  
"No. I'm getting married to Alicia's cousin Kelly." We all laughed, things were just the same between us. They didn't hold anything against me.  
  
"Congratulations Fred. Now how about you George, got a lady lined up?" I asked.  
  
"No, I'm single. How bout it Hermione, we could get together sometime." He winked at me, and I winked back, these boys were too much.  
  
"Yea, I'll call you as soon as I get rid of my husband." I said jokingly.  
  
"Which one?" Fred asked. He and George laughed, but I just couldn't. The noticed the look on my face and instantly quieted. "I'm so sorry Hermione. I didn't mean-"  
  
"Don't worry about it. But look I've gotta run, Ginny will be looking for me." I quickly moved to the door and though I heard them calling after me, I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
"So, I'm leaving for the holiday. My mum wants me to come home." Draco said quietly to me in the hallway one day. We couldn't normally talk out in the open like this, but there were only a few first years around.  
  
"I thought we were spending Christmas together." I said dejectedly. He sighed and pulled me into a dark corner, earning a few sideways glances from the younger students.  
  
"I know. But my mother doesn't know about you, and if I say I can't come because I have a girlfriend, she'll tell me to bring her home with me."  
  
"So why don't you?" I asked coyly. "Surely you're mother won't recognize me as Harry Potters right hand girl. Not a chance."  
  
"I wish I could. I want to show you the manor, you'd love it." I shook my head however. "No of course not. House elves."  
  
He knew me all too well.  
  
"What am I gonna do for two whole weeks without you?" I asked sadly. He pushed a strand of hair out of my face and kissed me gently.  
  
"I suppose we will have to make these last three days count, eh?" He said suggestively. I nodded, pulling him closer, kissing his lips. His eyes were enchanting. Not quite gray, but not blue. They were all his own. I could get lost, simply staring in those eyes.  
  
"I'll miss you." He smirked that famous Malfoy smirk and I knew some snide remark was coming.  
  
"I'll miss you too." He said sincerely. Sometimes people surprise you...  
  
**********************************  
  
"Hermione are you OK?" Ginny asked as we walked into the diner. I shook my head.  
  
"Fred and George said something that got to me. We were all joking around; I know they didn't mean it. But it made me upset thinking about it."  
  
"Did they say something about him?" Ginny asked. I nodded. "How many times I've told them never to mention Draco around you. But do they listen? Of course not."  
  
"It doesn't matter Ginny. I have to deal with this. Otherwise I'll just be wallowing my whole life."  
  
"Yea, I suppose so. But it never hurts to have someone else on your side. You know I'm always here for you." I nodded.  
  
"I know Gin. That's why I called you when I decided to come back. I know I'll eventually need someone to talk to. I just... can't yet."  
  
"No pressure. We have all the time in the world."  
  
We ordered out food, ate, and paid the check. We talked about the many guys Ginny had dated, about what different people from Hogwarts were doing, the different jobs Ginny had over the years. Then finally we got onto the subject of Eric.  
  
"You could say I left him. I snapped the other day, told him I didn't love him. I had to tell him the truth; I lied to him for too long. He was too good for me." I finally said.  
  
"He wasn't too good for you babe. He just wasn't the one." I took a long swig of my beer, the first I'd had in a long time.  
  
**********************************  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Hey there, Orion. You have a letter for me?" The owl hooted and dropped the parchment into my open hand. I petted it and then sent it on its way. I hadn't heard from Draco for the entirety of break and now, with only 4 days left, I finally get a letter. I opened it up and began to read with a smile on my face.  
  
'To my drunken princess Hermione, Hello sweetie. I've missed you so much. It's been absolutely dismal in the manor. Mother is more out of it than usual. I wondered why, but then my father came home. I have some bad news, and I don't really know how to tell you this. Actually I can't tell you in a letter; it will have to wait until I get back to Hogwarts. I hope your holiday was wonderful, and I'll see you tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. I'm coming back early. I'll be dreaming about you tonight, my love. I love you. -Draco'  
  
I sighed, thinking about what he wrote. Bad news was never good. At least I didn't have long to wait. I followed Draco's lead, and went off to dream about him long into the night.  
  
The next morning I awoke relatively early for a holiday, around 8:30. I put on some clothes and went down to have breakfast. There was hardly anyone there. Even most of the teachers were still asleep. I ate quietly, counting the minutes until 11 o'clock, when the early train was supposed to arrive.  
  
But 11 came and went and still no Draco. I knocked on his door, but he was obviously not here. The afternoon train arrived at 3, and again, no Draco. Finally, the last train of the day arrived at 7. I waited with baited breath as people climbed out of the compartments. Finally the doors closed and it began to pull away. He wasn't coming home today.  
  
'Draco aka STUPID OAF, Where are you? You told me you were coming home today, and I've waited all day for you. I miss you too much, I need you to come back. Write me back and let me know everything is OK. I love you (times infinity!). XoXoXo, Hermione'  
  
I sent the letter with a school owl. I didn't get a reply the next day, nor did Draco arrive on any of the trains. I was worried. Why would he say he was coming home early is he wasn't?  
  
I cried myself to sleep. I dreamt of Draco. I wondered if he was in danger, or if he was warm in his bed, I couldn't stop worrying.  
  
**********************************  
  
(A/N) Thank you soooooo much to my wonderful reviewers! I appreciate each and every one of you! I hope you all like this chapter. I had a different version originally, but I re-wrote it to keep a few things a mystery a little longer...  
  
THANKS TO:  
  
Evillizzy89  
  
a-gothic-romance  
  
Nicole  
  
Frozen Darkness  
  
Darkmonkey  
  
Lexx822  
  
Theone  
  
Please review!!  
  
*SHAMELESS SELF-PLUG* Please read Re-offender (it's a SAD one shot by me obviously lol). It is one of my best works (if I do say so myself) and the few readers I had liked it apparently. I guess I should have put it in Romance instead of angst, but whateva! I worked far too hard on that story for it to only get like 4 reviews. I'll love you FOREVER if you read/review!!  
  
AND THANKS FOR REVIEWS ON Re-OFFENDER  
  
Ashlitamalfoy  
  
Evalynn1369 (Thank you so much, your review truly touched me! I appreciate it so much!)  
  
Draco-FutureBF  
  
Snapes Gryffindor goddess  
  
Thanks a bunch everyone, hope you enjoyed! *DiM* 


	3. I Would Wait Forever

* * *

LAST TIME:  
  
I sent the letter with a school owl. I didn't get a reply the next day, nor did Draco arrive on any of the trains. I was worried. Why would he say he was coming home early is he wasn't?  
  
I cried myself to sleep. I dreamt of Draco. I wondered if he was in danger, or if he was warm in his bed, I couldn't stop worrying.

* * *

Road to Remembrance   
Chapter Three: I Would Wait Forever 

I asked Ginny to take me home after our third round of drinks. I didn't want to start rambling; there are some things I don't even want Ginny to know.  
  
We arrived back at her flat and I went straight to bed after thanking her again for her hospitality. I closed the door and slumped back against it. I came home to London to face the past, and to fix a few things before it was too late.  
  
I showered and laid down in bed. No matter how hard I tried to sleep, I couldn't seem to keep my eyes shut. I kept thinking of Draco... there had been so many memories stirred up in the last few days. I was having trouble keeping up with them all.  
  
Even my dreams were haunted by thoughts of that blonde git.

* * *

-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Oh my god, where have you been? I was so worried!" I whispered as I gave Draco about 20 soft kisses. He sighed and kissed my forehead, we were both happy to see each other. He had been gone even after holiday for about three days and I was nearly insane with worry.  
  
"I didn't mean to worry you." I shook my head and kissed him again.  
  
"There are some very important things we need to talk about baby." I nodded and we both walked over to his couch. He took my hands in his own and looked in my eyes with more love than I have ever known.  
  
"Hermione you know my families history. And even with Voldemort in hiding, things haven't changed as much as I thought they had. I didn't think that I would have to-"  
  
"I know where this is going. They want you to be... one of them." He nodded gravely.  
  
"I don't want to Hermione. But the only other choice I have is death. I'm not afraid of that, though. I'm only afraid of losing you." He kissed my hands.  
  
"You shouldn't worry about that. Never worry about that." I didn't want to cry, I wanted to be strong. God only knows what Draco was going through. His family was forcing him to be a death eater. To live a life he didn't believe in. And through all this when he should be worrying about himself, he only thought of me.  
  
"Hermione, do you love me?" I nodded fervently, whispering of course, of course. "Do you ever think about us, and our future? Do you think about it a lot?"  
  
"Not a lot, just every once in a while. Don't you?"  
  
"All the time. Especially lately." He said with a sigh. I snuggled closer to him, breathing him in. God he smelled so good.  
  
"What do you think about?" I asked quietly.  
  
"I love you so much. But I can't help worrying about what our friends think. They weren't exactly ecstatic when they found out. And I worry about what my family will do. I worry about keeping you safe."  
  
"It isn't fair that we have to worry about this kind of stuff. If we love each other, everyone should just have to accept it."  
  
"They should, but they won't."  
  
"We'll think of something." I hugged him tightly, always breathing him in. I couldn't get enough.  
  
"Maybe I have an idea. But it has to wait for a while." I nodded.  
  
"I would wait forever." I whispered as I slipped into a doze, leaning into his chest, wanting this moment to last forever.

* * *

I awoke as a giant roar of thunder shook the apartment. I snapped up in bed, wishing I wasn't alone. When there were storms at Hogwarts I always had someone, and even after Hogwarts I had Draco. I would snuggle close to him and I would forget about the storm completely.  
  
I was just about to go back to sleep when I saw the little red light blinking on my cell phone that was lying on the dresser. I picked it up to read the screen.  
  
1 Missed Call  
  
Who would have called at 2:30 in the morning? They left a message... I dialed the number and pushed in my code.  
  
"You have one unheard message." The automated voice said. "First unheard message, sent today at 2:46 AM." Then I heard a garbled voice speaking loudly into the receiver.  
  
I couldn't really understand what they said until the end when it was clearly audible that the voice said "I guess this is goodbye." I shook my head and replayed the message. I had no idea who it was from. Probably a wrong number... Probably. But as I studied the number it seemed so familiar.  
  
306 0464  
  
I know I've seen that number before. Who the hell was it?

* * *

-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Hey Malfoy, did you realize that Valentines day is in a week? I didn't realize it was so close. Did you?" Subtle Hermione. Very subtle. He laughed at my hints.  
  
"Why no, I had no idea that the most important chick day of the year was in exactly 7 days. And I had no idea it was required that we do something 'romantic' on said chick day. Nope not a clue. I don't have any plans if you were wondering. Nope, not a thing planned for the most important chick day of the year." Sarcasm. Right. Why did I put up with him? Because he was a damn good kisser, that's why.  
  
Maybe that's not completely why. But you get the point.  
  
"Draco, must you be such an incorrigible git all the time?"  
  
"Only when I'm awake." He joked. Ginny thought it was cute when we fought like this. I must say I agreed, we were grossly cute. Well I was cute, he was downright sexy.  
  
"So.... What exactly are you planning sweetie pumpkin?" I asked, sauntering slowly over to him. He rolled his eyes, pulling me in for a quick kiss.  
  
"No way in hell are you finding out until Friday night. So give it up. And don't give me those puppy eyes. I have become the master at resisting them." He smiled triumphantly as I put the puppy eyes away and sighed. I had to know.  
  
"PLEASE!!!!!" I shouted. He cocked his eyebrows, shaking his head.  
  
"You really can't stand not knowing can you?" He said sympathetically. "Aww, well too bad. It is going to be great fun watching you squirm all week."  
  
"Draco..." And then an idea struck me. It was foolproof! "What if we made... a deal?" I whispered seductively in his ear.  
  
"Mmm, sounds intriguing. And you can make all the bloody deals you want, but you will not know what is happening until it is happening. But do proceed with whatever deal you had in mind love..." I frowned and plunked down on the couch next to him.  
  
Correction: Plan was SEEMINGLY foolproof.  
  
"I think you should wear one of those ever clichéd little black dresses..." I smiled. I knew exactly the one I would wear. He would die when he saw me.  
  
"Really, because I was thinking more sweats and flip flops, you know? Go for the comfortable vibe." He smirked.  
  
"Wear whatever you want. I was just making a suggestion. But if you do wear sweats, etc, just know I will be there to say 'I told you so'." I huffed, but he grabbed my hand and I felt better. He was the cure for every ailment...

* * *

I woke up from a turbulent sleep, feeling ill-rested and groggy. I still hadn't placed the number from the night before. I asked Ginny about it when I went into the kitchen.  
  
She was in the same position as me, the number looked familiar but she couldn't place it. I sighed, furrowing my brows. She took my phone and started punching in numbers.  
  
"Who are you calling?" I asked her.  
  
"Our mystery number of course." I bit my lip in anticipation, waiting a few moments before someone had obviously picked up on the other end. "Hello, I'm sorry, but I think we received a call from this number late last night. Do you know anyone who would be trying to reach a Hermione Granger?" She listened and then her face showed recognition. She thanked them and hung up.  
  
"Well?" I asked, awaiting a response. She hesitated and led me into the living room.  
  
"That was Officer C. Smith. He said that some of their patrons were allowed phone calls last night. He didn't know who all of them called. But I just assumed it was-"  
  
"Ginny I think I want to go see Victoria." I cut her off. She looked surprised but then her lips formed into a smile and she grabbed my hands.  
  
"I was wondering when you would want to do that."

* * *

-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Remember when I told you a long time ago that I had an idea. And then you told me you would wait forever?" Draco fidgeted across the table from me. We were sitting in a romantic restaurant that had just opened in Hogsmeade. I nodded, grabbing his hand to stop his shaking.  
  
"OK, good then. Well I thought maybe I could run my idea past you, if that is alright with you..." I nodded, but he let go of my hands.  
  
He reached into his jacket pocket, and he pulled out a tiny blue box. Only then did it occur to me what was going on. How could I have been so dense? He knelt down in front of me, opened the box, and took my hand once again in his.  
  
"Hermione Catherine Granger, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I nodded, tears in my eyes. He slid the ring onto my finger and I held it up to see it. It was a huge diamond, I was in awe.  
  
"Do you like it?" He asked nervously. I nodded fervently.  
  
"I love it. It is absolutely stunning."  
  
"Are you surprised? Was this worth the little black dress?" he asked.  
  
"Actually I am incredibly surprised. I had no idea this was coming. But I'm glad it did. I love you so much. And this was 100% worth the dress. I'm glad I decided against the sweats." We laughed together.  
  
Draco Malfoy was my fiancé! And he bought me the most beautiful ring and it was a perfect fit. Just like us. My world was perfect. And right on cue, the perfect song came on, and I will never forget the words.  
  
'We're at the top of the world you and I. We've got a lot of time and it sure feels right. Cuz you reached in your pocket and pulled out a pass That said 'you can take me anywhere''  
  
I told Draco he could take me anywhere. We decided to go back up to his room to celebrate. Therein lies the beginning of the end.  
  
'Sha la la la   
Sha la la la la la la'

* * *

We had to take a taxi out to Surrey because the family didn't want to be connected to the floo system. I didn't blame them, considering who Victoria was. I had only seen her a few times, and never for very long. She was 10 years old now and I was recently informed that she was going to start at Hogwarts in the fall. I wrote her a letter the day I heard. Congratulating her, telling her I missed her.  
  
We finally pulled up in front of the cozy house on the corner and Ginny and I got out of the car. The agency called ahead and said we were coming. I was nervous. Ginny knocked on the door and a few moments later, there she was.  
  
A beautiful blonde haired girl with honey eyes.  
  
"Hey Victoria. It's so good to see you." I said to her, tears welling up in my eyes.  
  
"Hi Hermione. I got your letter." She said excitedly before enveloping me in a hug. I never really was a kid person.  
  
"Call me Mia, sweetie." She bit her lip and then shook her head. "Why not?"  
  
"He told me you hated it when he called you that."

* * *

-FLASHBACK-  
  
I paced nervously back and forth in his bathroom. This couldn't be happening! The test took 5 minutes. These were the longest 5 minutes of my life as of yet. Finally I looked at the little strip and it was pink. Very pink.  
  
I slouched down, cradling my knees to my chest. How could we have been so irresponsible? A huge sob racked my body, and I involuntarily shuddered against the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He knocked on the door outside asking if he could come in. I didn't answer. I couldn't answer.  
  
He decided to take my silence as a yes apparently because the next time I looked up, he was standing there surveying my disheveled form, unable to say anything.  
  
"Congratulations, you're gonna be a daddy." I said quietly. Then he slouched down next to me, grabbing my hand.  
  
"We're going to get through this." He said strongly. I knew it was a pretense to help me feel more at ease.  
  
"Draco, we're 17 years old. I am most certainly not ready to be a parent. What the hell am I supposed to do? What is my family going to say!? They don't even know we're dating, nevertheless making babies together!" I was hyperventilating, totally unable to calm myself down. Draco tried to shush me which only caused my sobs to become louder.  
  
"For once, I have no idea what to say to make you feel better. I've never felt more helpless than I do right now." And he looked it too. Completely and utterly helpless.  
  
"Well at least that makes two of us." I leaned my head onto his shoulder, calming a bit.  
  
"We're in this together. And we always will be." I nodded, but for once, I felt a twinge of doubt in his statements.

* * *

"You've talked to Draco?" I asked her. I could feel my voice trembling and I was afraid of what was coming next. She shook her head. I drew in a sharp breath, I couldn't do this.  
  
"He told me in a letter he wrote a long long long time ago. It was a big letter, I couldn't read it all. Mommy had to read it for me." I flinched at that word. 'Mommy'. She had never been able to call me mommy.  
  
"Hey Victoria, do you still have that letter?" I asked hopefully. I was curious to see what he would have to say to her. And I longed to have any connection to him. But again she shook her head. I sighed, but didn't press the matter. After all, I had only come to see her. I missed my daughter. I couldn't let myself go in front of her.  
  
We spent the afternoon together. She was very smart, and she would be the exact replica of me at her age if it wasn't for her blonde hair and cunning wit. She loved to joke and was already a master of sarcasm at age 10.  
  
Ginny hung out with us for a while then went inside to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Victoria's adoptive parents.  
  
"Mione, can I ask you a question." I couldn't help but grin when she said this, but nodded in the affirmative. "I was wondering why I never saw Draco. I've seen you several times, but he's never even written to me except that one time when I was just a baby." I sighed, but I knew this was a long time coming.  
  
"There's no good answer to that, Vicky. But if it makes you feel any better, I haven't seen him either. He's... not around anymore."  
  
"Is he dead?" She asked quietly. I bit my lip, not knowing exactly how to answer her.  
  
"I guess he's as good as dead." She nodded, but I doubt she really understood what I meant.  
  
"Will you tell me about him?" She asked finally. I smiled broadly at her. Yes, I would tell her anything she wanted to know.

* * *

-FLASHBACK-  
  
"Miss Hermione Granger, graduating with top honors." Applause broke out as I walked across the stage. I accepted my diploma and smiled at my friends and family in the audience.  
  
A few names later was "Draco Malfoy, graduating as Head Boy, with top honors." I followed him across the stage with my eyes. He was handsome and looked proud. He got to the end of the stage, accepted his diploma, and stared intently at me with that ever present smirk of his. I blushed, and he blew me a kiss to add insult to injury. He was sitting 9 chairs down from me; it was in alphabetical order so the ceremony would be more organized.  
  
So he sat and I avoided his gaze. He knew I hated when he purposely tried to embarrass me. But after a while I couldn't resist. I looked over to see that he was in fact sitting right next to me now.  
  
"I bribed Harris to switch seats with me." He said quietly, answering my questioning look. I rolled my eyes, but smiled despite myself. He placed his hand on my stomach, he did this often now.  
  
We both agreed that it was a good thing the graduation was only a few months after the incident. I wasn't showing yet. No one knew that I was going to have a baby. We hadn't told many people we were engaged, just the few necessary ones, i.e. - our parents.  
  
The wedding was in 2 months, I hoped I wouldn't be very fat.  
  
We watched the rest of the ceremony in silence, his hand ever present above the baby; I thought he would be a good dad.

* * *

"Draco and I met at Hogwarts, where you'll be going soon!" She giggled happily. "Well we were enemies for a long time, because he was a Slytherin and I was a Gryffindor. But eventually we became friends and I fell in love with him."  
  
"Why did it matter that he was in Slytherin? Is Slytherin bad?" She asked, obviously making mental notes for her upcoming school years.  
  
"No, not necessarily. A lot of them got a bad rap. But most of them were very mean and hateful to me and my friends. Harry and Ron, you know. They hated Harry because he was famous. And he was famous because he beat Voldemort. Some of the Slytherins were on Voldemort's side during our days at Hogwarts. And they hated Ron because his family was poor and because he was nice to muggles."  
  
Victoria was listening intently, creating her own version of 'Hogwarts: A History' in her mind.  
  
"But the Slytherins really hated me because I was what they termed a 'mudblood'. I had muggle parents and they didn't think I was worthy of practicing magic."  
  
"That is so mean! Why did the Slytherins hate everyone so much?"  
  
"Some of them didn't have an excuse really, except it was just how they were brought up."  
  
"Is that how Draco was? Or was he different?" Victoria asked curiously.  
  
"He was only different when I came along. He changed."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"He ended up seeing something he wanted more than anything else. He risked a lot to be with me. He was into some very bad things."  
  
"Did he support Voldemort?" She asked timidly. I nodded.  
  
"To some extent. He did when he was younger. And then once he was older it was too late. He was forced to become a Death Eater."  
  
"Is that why he's not here anymore?" She asked. I nodded, beginning to cry. "I don't think I like Draco very much anymore Hermione."  
  
"I wish I could say the same..." I whispered. Ginny came into Victoria's room and told me we needed to go.  
  
"Vicky has her piano lesson in twenty-five minutes, isn't that right?" Ginny said. I nodded and gave her a hug and a kiss on the head.  
  
"I'm so glad I got to see you Victoria. Would you like to come visit me over the summer?" She nodded, but seemed hesitant. Some kind of mother I was...

* * *

(A/N) Thanks SO MUCH to all my readers, and I apologize for the long wait. My computer has had a virus and I haven't been able to even turn it on for about a month, so forget getting on the internet. I hope it was worth it, and the tale is slowly unraveling, a little faster than I had planned actually... but that's OK I guess...  
  
Look out for CH. 4 much sooner than this one! (I hope, but don't hold me to that...) But it is already half done, so crosses fingers.  
  
Song used at the proposal was 'Top of the World' by The Juliana Theory.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW :-D 


	4. Promises

LAST TIME:

"I don't think I like Draco very much anymore Hermione."

"I wish I could say the same…" I whispered. Ginny came into Victoria's room and told me we needed to go.

"Vicky has her piano lesson in twenty-five minutes, isn't that right?" Ginny said. I nodded and gave her a hug and a kiss on the head.

"I'm so glad I got to see you Victoria. Would you like to come visit me over the summer?" She nodded, but seemed hesitant. Some kind of mother I was…

* * *

Road to Remembrance  
Chapter Four: Promises 

FLASHBACK-

"Where the HELL is he?" I screamed into an empty living room. I was fanning myself, seated in a reclining chair in our London flat. I was very pregnant, bulging and ready to drop. I knew from the beginning what I was getting into, with Draco and all, but I never thought he would abandon me. He hadn't been home in a day and a half.

He had been coming in late every night, he would say hello, kiss me on the cheek, and retreat into the shower. He pretended as if it were OK to come home every night at 1 AM, keeping me awake and very worried. But it wasn't OK. Not in the least.

If I ever called him out on it, asking where he had been, why he thought it was fine to waltz in at any hour of the night, no apologies. He got angry those nights. I had felt the wrath of his temper too many times.

"Hermione, you know the life I am forced to live. Now if you want to go out there and do it yourself be my guest, but do not complain to me when all you do is sit around all day." He had said this many times, in different variations and subtleties.

"It's not easy carrying a baby either Draco. Why don't you give THAT a try?" I would scream back at him.

Our arguments were not pretty and we said things we didn't mean.

But that always got me, if we didn't mean them why would we say them? Why would we think them if we didn't mean them. In that sense I guess we really did mean everything we said. Maybe that's why things turned out the way they did.

It was now midnight and I decided to go to bed and stop waiting up for him.

"Goodnight Draco." I said to no one before trudging off to our room and falling asleep in our bed. But I was utterly alone.

* * *

"She looks more like you every time we see her doesn't she?" Ginny said conversationally on the car ride home. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. I shook my head. "Well tell me what the matter is already." 

"Ginny I always told myself that I wouldn't have any regrets. But lately that's what my entire life is made of. One giant regret after the other."

"You made the choices you had to babe; there really wasn't a better alternative. Victoria is happy and that is what matters. I mean think about it, if you and Draco had kept her, would either of you even be alive right now?" I closed my eyes at the mention of his name.

"I don't want to talk about this right now." Ginny gave me a disappointed glance.

"And look, this is what he's made you into. I hope he's proud." That was too much.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you saying this is all his fault? I know you never liked him, but you forget, I LOVED him. So I would appreciate it if you backed off."

We were silent for a long while. A light rain started to fall, soon escalating into a heavy downpour. Ginny made a quick turn and stopped the car on the side of the road.

"Hermione, I know that your life is hard and has been for quite some time now. And I have always been there for you. But don't you see that always acting like this is driving people away? You were so lucky to find Eric, he loved you! He would have done anything for you. But now he is gone too."

"Is there a point to this other than pointing out what a screw up I am Gin? And what happened to 'he just wasn't the one'?" She sighed and took my hand.

"There is never going to be anyone who can quite replace Draco in your eyes, I know that as well as you do. But there are other people who will love you just as much, treat you better, someone you can start a real life with. Everyone just wants you to be happy."

"I haven't been happy for a long time now Ginny. I don't expect to ever be truly happy again. Not after what I did, I don't deserve it."

"You did what you had to do to stay alive."

"And in the process I probably killed the only person I've ever loved."

"But you kept Victoria alive, doesn't that matter?" I was silent. Nodding suddenly seemed so overrated. Instead I broke down into tears, and I reveled in the fact that, with the rain, the whole world seemed to be crying with me.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

"Hermione, sweetie. Baby wake up." Draco whispered urgently. I stirred and looked at him groggily. "There's no time. They've found me! They'll kill us if we don't get out now!"

I moved as quickly as I could, which wasn't very fast considering my stomach was 10 times its normal size and my ankles were the size of cantaloupes. Draco was in hysterics and it wasn't helping me stay calm. We had to think fast. I headed to the fireplace, thinking of where we could go.

"We can't floo, they will have it monitored." Draco whispered across the empty living room.

"You know I can't apparate! The baby, I won't risk her life!" He grinned momentarily.

"So it's a girl?" I nodded, and I could see tears in his eyes. He walked towards me and enveloped me. He sniffled, and wiped his eyes. "We're going to have a beautiful baby girl."

"Draco we have to get out of here." I pleaded. He nodded, trying to think.

"If I floo first they'll take me and leave. Then you can get out of here. And go to Molly's or Harry's or anyone's I don't care but hide until you hear from me."

"Draco, I'm not going to be separated from you again. She's coming any day. There has to be another way." I was crying now, because I was beginning to see that we would be separated, and I realized if that was the case I may not ever see him again.

"There is no other way."

"What if they-" He placed a finger over my lips.

"I will come back for you. For both of you." I nodded. I had to believe him. "I love you Hermione. Never forget that."

"I love you Draco. Be careful." He nodded and walked slowly toward the fireplace. He looked at me one last time and threw down the floo powder, disappearing to who knows where.

I had to be strong. He said he would come back. I had to believe him. I went to the fireplace, shouting my destination, and felt the pull on my belly. It was extremely unpleasant now and I was beginning to feel sick. When I landed on hard ground in Harry's flat I threw up, sobbing all the while.

Harry was sitting on the couch in his living room, watching a quidditch match on the television. He rushed over to me as soon as he heard me. He knelt down next to me and gave me a hug as I continued to cry.

"He's gone Harry. They found him. We've been hiding from them for months but they found us."

"Slow down Mione, slow down. Draco's gone?" I nodded heavily. Harry drew in a breath. "And he's gone because the Death Eaters found him?"

I didn't have to answer, he already knew.

"He promised me Harry. He told me it was all over. We were fighting all the time because he would come in late; I knew it was because he was still doing… whatever it is the Death Eaters are doing now. So he promised he would stop."

"Hermione-"

"And he did. He stopped, but they came looking for him. But he promised he'd come back. If he kept his promise last time, he has to keep it this time, right? He has to come back." Harry bit his lip, but nodded.

"Mione, how do you know he stopped? Are you sure he hasn't had any involvement lately? Because if so, this could just be another mission, and he could just be-"

"Of course he stopped! Do you think he would lie to me?"

"He's done it before, so you never know." I stood shocked, and Harry just looked down at his feet.

"Draco doesn't lie to me. He loves me, and he would do anything for me." Harry looked up before I added, "Unlike some people I used to be friends with."

There was a long silence. We both stared, daring the other to say something. Finally Harry shook his head and turned around.

"I'm going to bed. You're welcome to the guest room. If you need anything, well, I guess you know where everything is." He called as he retreated down the hall. He slammed his door and a few seconds later I heard the shower start.

The walk to the guest room was a long one, not in distance, but it seemed to go in slow motion. I felt sick and weak, and suddenly I doubled over in pain. I breathed steadily, in and out. Another sickening pain. Then there was water beneath my feet. The baby was coming. The baby was coming and Draco wasn't here.

* * *

Back at Ginny's house later, I realized Ginny had been right. I apologized, and of course she accepted. With the way I've been feeling lately I can only guess how I've been acting. I decided to call Eric, to see if everything was OK. 

"Hello?" A voice I recognized as his answered.

"Eric, hey it's Hermione. I'm sorry I haven't called before now. I just… I didn't want to hurt you any more than I already did."

"It's OK, I'm glad you called. I was worried about you. Plus I missed you." I sighed. He was still in love with me, I could already tell, just by the tone of his voice.

"Eric, I'm in England. London actually. In Ginny's flat. I came back here because-"

"I know where you are. Ginny called me pretty soon after you got there." Note to self: Kill Ginny.

"Eric, I don't think I'll be coming home." He was silent except for his breathing.

"I guess you really did mean everything you said. I hoped maybe you were just upset. I thought maybe we could work things out."

"I realized today what a horrible person I've been. How everything bad in my life is what's real and everything good has just been a lie. I lied to you. I told you I loved you and I would never leave you. I truly hoped I was telling the truth. I wanted it to be true."

"I only wanted to make you happy. I'm sorry I couldn't."

"You did, Eric. You did for a while. But until I'm happy with myself and my life, no one could ever really make me happy. I'm only sorry I couldn't have made it work."

"I'll always be around Mia. If you-"

"Thank you Eric, I mean it. But I want you to be happy too. Find someone who will love you like you should be loved. Someone better than me."

"Maybe someday. But for now I'm still in love with you."

"Goodbye Eric." He took a heavy breath before sadly saying goodbye to me too.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

I looked out the window, out at the snowy trees. I held my daughter, Victoria, in my arms. I rocked her slowly, holding her hand. She was nearly a month old. She was so beautiful. Draco would love her. He would never leave her side, and he would look at her with starry eyes the same way he looked at me. He would do that if he was here.

He had been missing since the night of Victoria's birth and I hadn't heard from him. I was quickly losing hope for him. But he promised me. He had never broken a promise to me. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought that maybe he never would again. But I couldn't think like that. He was coming back. If not for me, then for Victoria.

The snow gleamed in the morning light. I almost overlooked the set of footprints that had appeared in the snow, leading directly toward the house. Almost. But I looked closer, and saw that they led to a window near the garage. The window was open. Someone was in the house.

I raced toward the kitchen; my wand was sitting on the counter, next to the untouched coffee pot. I hated coffee, but Draco drank it every morning. I kept a fresh pot, in anticipation of his return home. I had thrown away many pots of coffee lately.

Once I had my wand in my hand, I clutched Victoria tightly to my chest and apparated to Harry's flat. I was breathing heavily as I ran toward his room. I opened the door without knocking. There was a girl with platinum blonde hair in his bed with him. She awoke first, and then poked Harry in the ribs, trying to cover herself with a sheet.

"Hermione, what the hell?" I rolled my eyes as he rolled out of bed. I turned my head as he searched for his boxers.

"Hello to you too Harry. But enough with the formalities. It happened again." I turned around, figuring I had allowed him enough time. The girl looked confused, but I figured that could be how she looked normally. Harry sighed.

"How do they keep getting past the spell? And why the hell are they so stupid to come in broad daylight? Hello its not called the cover of darkness for nothing."

"OK well what do I do? I can't keep running away. And what if I didn't notice it? What if they are there when I get home one day? Harry I shouldn't have to be scared in my own home."

"Then move. I know you don't want to, but if you moved, you would be much safer." I shook my head, patting Victoria on the back.

"I can't leave. What if he comes back looking for me and we're not there?" Harry shook his head, and walked over to me. He lifted Victoria from my arms and kissed her on the forehead. I paced back and forth. "Harry, we bought that house together, we lived there since we graduated. It was ours, I can't leave it behind."

"Hermione, what if he isn't coming back? Are you going to stay there forever?"

"I told him once that I would wait for him forever. And I will." He shook his head.

"Well you wait there forever then, but what about Tory huh? Don't you care about her safety?" I hesitated. "Mione what's wrong with you. She's your daughter. Yours and Draco's. If you are so concerned about a HOUSE how can you not be concerned about your daughter?"

"Of course I'm concerned about her Harry. I just…" I looked down at her, thinking of how much Draco would love her. "I wasn't prepared to do this on my own. Draco and I were going to be in this together. We talked about what we would do with her, and how she would love growing up in that house. It just isn't right without Draco."

"There are always options." I nodded.

"Trust me, I've looked into them. I just want to do the right thing."

"What is the right thing in this situation Mione?" Harry asked quietly. I shook my head. "Look, I'll go check your house. And I'll do the spell again. But I want you to start packing up tonight. Go to Ginny's now, or leave Tory there and get out for a while. Just do some thinking."

I took Victoria from him and nodded at the girl in his bed. I looked down at the girl in my arms. She reminded me so much of Draco. It killed me every time I looked at her. I couldn't figure out why I didn't love her as much as I loved him.

* * *

I woke up early on Saturday morning, I had only slept for a few hours, but the thought of returning to bed where I couldn't stop dreaming about him didn't appeal to me. I had been able to forget him for a long time, but now… 

Instead of lounging around and moping I decided to go into Diagon Alley, maybe buy lots of junk I didn't need and make myself feel better that way. I readied myself and left a note for Ginny, who rarely awoke before 11 AM. I gripped my wand and with a pop I was gone.

Once I arrived I was able to breath in the fresh air. This place was the only constant in my life. Everything else changed all the time, but Diagon Alley stayed the same, and I suspected it would forever. Very few shops had changed; some had repainted their storefronts, one had closed down when the wizard who ran it died, and then there was Wheezes that stuck out like a sore thumb (but generated more profit than probably any other store).

I saw one of the twins in the distance opening up the shop, setting up a new display outside the front window. I walked over to him and watched as he took such precision in arranging every last piece. I chuckled a little, which got his attention. Once he looked up I could tell it was George.

"Mione, what brings you here at this ungodly hour?" He asked playfully.

"What makes it ungodly? It's already 7:30. And I was just walking around. I haven't slept well lately." I replied.

"Well come in, lets have some coffee." I shook my head hesitantly. "I don't bite… hard. Come on!"

"No it's just… I don't drink coffee." He rolled his eyes.

"Then I'll make tea instead. You do drink tea right? Or would you rather I brewed up some Kool Aid?"

"Ha-ha, very funny. Tea would be lovely. Unless you'd rather the Kool Aid." He shook his head and steered me inside. The shop was dimly lit, not all of the lights were on. I must have gotten here not long after George had. We went behind the counter and into the back room where a makeshift kitchen was set up.

George busied himself with the tea as I looked around. There were pictures of Fred and Kelly, pictures of Ginny including one with Harry during their brief dating period, even the one of me and Eric that we sent out in our wedding invitations. But not a single picture of George could be found.

"How come there are no pictures of you up here George?" I questioned.

"I don't photograph well." He said briefly. I laughed.

"You have an identical twin who seems to photograph just fine…"

"Well don't you see the theme of all these pictures?" He asked. I looked again, but I was unsure of what he meant. I shook my head. "They are all of happy couples, eh?"

"Hardly. The only happy couple up there is Fred and Kelly. Ginny and Harry dated for all of five minutes, so I think that disqualifies them. And I officially broke it off with Eric yesterday. So what were you saying about happy couples?"

"I mean that they were all taken when the people in them loved each other."

"Well I still don't see why there are none of you up there." I said, accepting the cup of tea he offered.

"Because I've never had anyone to take the pictures with, that's why." He was becoming irate having to answer these questions.

"I don't mean to pry, but haven't you ever been in love?" He looked past me to the wall with the framed pictures all smiling back.

"I thought I was in love with a girl for a very long time. But then I realized to be in love, someone has to love you back. And she never did. She always had someone else." He stared at me for a moment, looking deep into my eyes.

"Did you ever tell her you loved her?" I said barely above a whisper.

"No. No I never did. She was, and still is apparently, very in love with someone else."

"Even so, I'm sure she loves you. Even if it's just as a friend, a brother." I took his hand, trying to comfort him. He smiled and looked into my eyes again.

"Yea, I figure she kinda does." I smiled sadly and looked back at the pictures on the wall. The person I was in that picture looked so happy. Maybe I could become her again.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

I paced back and forth in my dingy apartment, trying to busy myself. I was wearing the same dirty robe I had been wearing for two days. Victoria was crying in the other room. I hadn't slept for the better part of a week. I had seen an article in the Sunday paper that had troubled me. That, combined with Victoria's recent tendency to sleep for only thirty minutes at a time, was making me crazy.

The paper informed me that the Malfoy Manor was being auctioned off since the owner, one Narcissa Malfoy, had neglected to pay the bills for 3 months. Upon further inspection, Mrs. Malfoy had been found dead in her basement. The Ministry has no leads as of yet, except they suspect the crime was part of a recent rampage against former Death Eaters by the current followers of the Dark Movement.

The funeral was tomorrow. Molly was going to watch Victoria for me so I could attend. I thought that if Draco was still alive, if he had somehow learned of his mothers' death he would be there.

I dropped Tory off with Mrs. Weasley around 9 the morning of the service. I wore a very conservative black dress and tried to look as mournful as possible. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be going, Narcissa never took a liking to me. But the lingering hope that Draco could be there lived on.

I stood in the back of the hall, and listened quietly to the eulogy that was delivered by Narcissa's sister. I looked down the rows, searching for a blonde head. I couldn't find one sitting down, but what if he was wearing a hat? What if he was sitting in front of someone very tall? He had to be here.

As the pallbearers took the coffin down the aisle and outside toward the grave site I stood and looked frantically around as people started to file out. He wasn't here. As the last of the people left the stuffy hall my heart sank. Why wasn't he here? He couldn't break his promise. How could he?

* * *

(A/N) I'm terribly sorry for the long wait! Your reviews got me working again though. I'm also posting the final chapter tonight, so be on the lookout. LOVE! DiM aka A.Ro. 


	5. Perfect and Wretched

LAST TIME:

As the pallbearers took the coffin down the aisle and outside toward the grave site I stood and looked frantically around as people started to file out. He wasn't here. As the last of the people left the stuffy hall my heart sank. Why wasn't he here? He couldn't break his promise. How could he?

* * *

Road to Remembrance  
Chapter 5: Perfect and Wretched 

"Ginny I was just thinking… Why doesn't George have a girlfriend, or a wife? I'm sure he's had many opportunities." Ginny looked over her shoulder at me. She was gathering things for breakfast. Things she didn't have to cook, for example cereal. And… cereal.

"Sure he's had opportunities. He's a good looking guy I suppose. He just never let anyone in. I think he was hung up on someone for a while there but I never found out who it was. Why do you ask?" She busied herself again with pouring her cereal.

"I went to see him this morning before you woke up. And I saw how he had pictures of everyone around, everyone but himself. And he told me it was because he never had anyone to take them with because he's never been in love."

"George has always been pretty introverted when it came to the opposite sex. He has crushes but he never acts on them." I nodded.

"He sounded so unhappy though. I've never seen him act quite that sad. It rattled me a bit I suppose." Ginny scoffed.

"He's happy Hermione. He has his joke shop and his family. If he's unhappy he's pretty damn good at hiding it."

"Like I was?" I said quietly. She looked up at me, her face sobered. "I was pretty damn good at hiding it wasn't I? Why is it so inconceivable that George is unhappy?"

"Even if he is, what can I do to help him?" I shrugged.

"I just don't like to see anyone else unhappy. I'm miserable enough for all of us." I took a sip of my tea and got up from the kitchen table. Ginny watched me wordlessly as I walked into my room and quietly shut the door.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

"Victoria please stop crying. Please, just let mommy have one moment of peace." Victoria continued to wail in her crib. I couldn't take it anymore. I began to scream and yell, " What the hell do you want from me? I feed you! I hold you! I'm doing the best I can! Why can't you understand that?"

Victoria was wailing even louder, upset by my screams. I backed into the wall and fell to the floor as my knees gave out. I cried and pulled my knees into my chest and Victoria kept crying in the background. At times like these I had visions of Draco walking in and picking up our daughter, holding her and rocking her until she fell asleep. Then he would come to me and sit down next to me. He would wrap his arms around me and kiss my forehead. He would hold me and everything would be better…

He never came; I was always alone in all of these trials. I was alone and I was tired of it. I was always so tired without Draco. I thought of Draco and I fell asleep despite the wails coming from the bassinet that held my daughter. I slept for hours and hours and when I awoke again the sun was setting. I awoke to a silent room. Something wasn't right here.

I got up and looked inside Victoria's crib. She was on her stomach, her face buried in the pillow. She wasn't breathing. I picked her up, trying to wake her but she didn't, her face was pale and she wasn't breathing, not at all. I began to cry and I ran to grab my wand. I held my poor sweet baby close and I apparated to St. Mungo's, praying that she wasn't yet dead.

* * *

I sat alone in the guest room at Ginny's house, just thinking for a long time. I decided I had to stop all of this moping; I couldn't live in the past. I paced over to the closet, and reached for the box on the top shelf. My Draco box. 

I opened the lid, sifting through the papers. It contained a cheesy love note Draco had written to me before I got pregnant, a few old pictures of us, Victoria's adoption papers, the newspaper clipping about Malfoy Manor, Narcissa's obituary, and then there were the letters. I opened the first one. It had come the day after Victoria was adopted.

'Dearest Hermione,  
I am so sorry I haven't been able to write before now. I escaped the Death Eaters only 6 days ago and I have been on the run. I am in a safe place for now. I will not be able to come home for a few months still, and even then it may be unsafe. It makes me so sad to know I won't be there for our little girl's birth, if it hasn't already taken place. I wish I could be there with you.  
The Death Eaters are furious with me; I'm surprised they didn't kill me that night I fled. They were, however, under strict orders to bring me in alive. I've seen so many horrible things here Mia, so many deaths. The movement is getting stronger even now that the Dark Lord is dead and gone. I wish none of this had ever happened. When I make it back the three of us, you, me, and our daughter, we will all go to America. You always wanted to go to New York. We'll go far away from it all. Far far away where they will never find us.  
Please do not reply to this, I am sure it will be intercepted on the way out. I just pray you are still safe, that they haven't managed to reach you…  
I love you with all of my heart and I pray to see you very soon,  
Draco.'

I remember waiting for days after that letter came, waiting quietly by the window hoping to see him. The next letter came 6 months later.

'My sweet Hermione,  
Being away from you for so long is making me sick, I wish you knew how much I missed you. I think you may be mad at me for being away so long and I don't blame you at all. I get angry every day. Angry at all these damn people making it so hard for me to get home. I'm not even in England anymore. I'm hoping to lose them soon and finally send word of where I am so we can see each other again.  
Don't lose faith yet, I made a promise and I fully intend to keep it. I hope you and the baby are doing well. I love you.  
Draco'

Even though he told me not to, I sent a letter back to him. I hadn't seen anyone around the house since the day Harry came over and put up a new spell back when I still had my Victoria. I told Draco that he had a daughter named Victoria but I had given her up for adoption. I told him I waited for him every day, wishing he would come home. I told him how much I missed him, and how I thought I made a mistake by giving up Vicky. I asked him to just give me a clue where he was, a clue and I would figure it out and come find him. I was going crazy without him.

The last letter I received from Draco came exactly seven months and fifteen days after he had left.

'Hermione,  
I don't have much time. They've found me. I'm sure they will kill me. I know you made the right choice with Victoria; I wish I had gotten to see her just once though. I love you Hermione. I'm so sorry I broke my promise to you. I just wish I could see you one last time. I will always love you, always. Make me proud Hermione.  
Love forever,  
Draco'

It was all my fault. All my fault. I had to send that damn letter to him and they had found him. Every choice I made was wrong. It was all my fault…

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

I paced the waiting room, hoping for good news. Victoria had been taken into the ICU and I hadn't heard anything for over an hour. I was alone in the waiting room for another 45 minutes before Harry and Ginny showed up. Ron and the rest of the Weasleys followed (minus Charlie and Bill) about 10 minutes after that. We were all huddled together speaking in hushed tones. A full three hours after I admitted Victoria a doctor came to speak to me.

"Mrs. Malfoy?" I stood up and walked toward him. "Hello I'm Dr. Banks. Victoria is doing much better, she will need to be kept here for observation for another day or so. Now all that is left to do is wait."

"She's really OK?" I was tearing, and some fell down my cheeks and onto the linoleum floor. I was so strung out. "She's breathing and she isn't crying? She might be hungry, I can't remember the last time I fed her. I can't remember anything. I don't know what I would have done. I'm such a horrible mother. I can't do this."

All of this was said in short breaths and finally I stopped when Harry pulled me into a chair and Ginny was hugging me close to her, trying to calm me. I was shaking and I couldn't stop crying.

"I won't let this happen again." I whispered to no one in particular.

"Of course you won't sweetie." Ginny said, rubbing my back.

"No, I mean I can't let this happen again. I give up. I love her, God knows, but I give up. I can't even give it a shot because it will happen again, I know it will."

"Hermione think about what you're saying…" Harry said. I met his eyes for a moment. He saw that my mind was made up and he looked away. "I'll go get the doctors or the nurse or someone."

"Harry, please… I know you're upset and obviously you don't agree with me but this is not your life." He shook his head.

"One day you'll look back and regret this Hermione. You created her, you made a life and you are just throwing it away. I know you aren't taking this lightly but if you could just see one thing other than Draco maybe things would be different!"

His words stung and I didn't reply. He left the room and he didn't return with the doctor. I told the doctor I wanted to give Victoria up for adoption and although I knew no one in the room agreed with my decision it was what I had to do. I signed the appropriate pages. Along the way there were several spots that required a father's signature. Ginny told the doctor that the father was "not in the picture."

I sat in the hospital waiting room for the next few hours, even after everyone left. A temporary foster family came to pick Victoria up. I was alone. I went in the bathroom and I was sick, I couldn't move and I couldn't cry. The world was spinning and gravity was keeping me stationary. My world had finally come crashing down on my head and I was unsure if it was repairable.

* * *

After I relived so many ugly memories I felt like I was worn down, completely jaded. I stayed in bed all day and, hard as she tried, Ginny couldn't get me to go out. I had repressed so much but it wasn't going away. I couldn't let it go. I wanted to move on; I wanted to forget about Draco. Something was holding me back… 

I tried to remember his face, his smell, the way I felt when he held me against his chest. I could remember everything in such great detail; it was like it had happened yesterday. These years had stretched on for so long but looking back it seemed like no time had passed since I had seen Draco.

There were things about us that no one knew. I accepted Draco's past, but we knew no one else would. I knew he was still involved with Voldemort, but he promised me that no harm would ever come to me. I believed him with such naivety.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

After the debacle in the hospital I lost control. I was drunk most days, or in a half asleep daze. I was at an all time low. Ginny made me admit myself to the psychiatric ward. I was almost relieved to be there, I was removed from the real world. I stayed there for nearly a month and when I was finally cleaned up I left. I rented an apartment and made sure that someone else took care of the house. I asked them to sell it and put the profits in a college fund for Victoria. I left my old life behind. I immersed myself in work and left little time for anything else. As long as I was busy I didn't have time to worry about anything else.

But one day I got a letter from Hogwarts that made me abandon this routine. Albus Dumbledore had died and they were holding a memorial for him this Saturday. I didn't even finish the letter before I began to cry. He had been such an influence in my schooling and had virtually saved us all from destruction. He protected us unfailingly, and would have had it no other way. I knew I had to go. It would be difficult of course, seeing all the old faces, the building, the train. It would all remind me of him. It was a risk I would have to take however.

I met Ginny at the train station. The rest of the Weasleys were there as well. I tried to say hello to Ron, but he avoided conversation with me. Harry wasn't there, but I knew he would find other means of getting to Dumbledore's memorial. Fred and George had closed down their shop to come, and that was a huge gesture on their part. I sat by the window and watched silently as the hills rolled by. I thought I would never see this journey again but here I was. This time was so different though that I felt as if I were a different person.

When we finally arrived everyone filed off somberly, heading towards the carriages that were not horseless to most of us now. Inside the great hall, the ceiling was cloudy, despite the weather outside. The hall was filled to breaking and the noise was overpowering. There was so much movement and rustling that it took several minutes for everyone to be hushed. Professor McGonagall spoke to us for a few minutes, then Hagrid of course, and finally I saw Harry ascend the stage. There were tears in his eyes as he told us how Dumbledore helped him become the man he is today.

There were sniffles and tearing eyes all over, but somehow I couldn't cry. I didn't want to be sad anymore. I slowly made my way to the back of the hall, exiting mostly unnoticed. I roamed the halls until I finally reached the old Head's dorm. The same statue stood in front of the door. I smiled, remembering my first encounter with it. I was raving and drunk and Draco helped me. That was the first time we had a civil conversation. I was running my hand over the grooves in the statue when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned slowly around and what I saw nearly knocked me off my feet.

"Draco?" I asked unsteadily.

"I told you I would come back for you." We smiled and he held me for what seemed like an eternity.

"Draco it's been nearly two years. What happened? I thought for sure you were… that you had…" He nodded.

"I thought I was too. When they found me that night, I felt sure I would be killed." He took a deep breath. "I don't know how I escaped that time, but I ended up in some small town out in the country. I was able to hide in some old abandoned buildings for a while. But then I heard from one of my correspondents that they were threatening to harm you in hopes of luring me out. So I fed them a false tip on where I would be. It diverted them I hope." I nodded uncertainly. This was so unbelievable. None of this seemed to make sense. Everyone thought Draco was dead, and now I had finally begun to accept it and he shows up. I was happy, but suspicious and weary. I felt maybe it was too good to be true.

"So you made them chase you. What about the letters Draco, the last one you sent to me, why did you tell me those things? I never heard from you after that, how could you leave me to believe that I wouldn't see you again?"

"I was under observation for a long time. I had to prove I wasn't a threat to the dark side. If I made any attempt to contact you they would have killed me. Or worse, you. I was trying to protect you, Hermione." I looked into his eyes but I didn't see the sparkle there used to be. His eyes were cold.

"What's different now? If you had to prove this to them how can you be here now?"

"They trust me now, I've moved up in rank. They wouldn't dare cross one of Voldemort's most 'loyal followers'" This took me aback.

"If you've been trying to escape all this time how have you possibly moved up in rank? I don't understand… Draco tell me the truth. How hard have you worked to get back to me? Has there been any effort at all? Or have you gone back to how you used to be?"

"Hermione I…" He began, obviously evasively.

"Answer me Draco. I deserve to know the truth after two years of mourning and waiting and throwing my life away!"

My anger and loneliness boiled up and had finally exploded. But I didn't shed a tear in front of him. I had to be stronger than that. I was finally able to see a different side of Draco that I had been ignoring for so long. I saw the side of him that I didn't like at all. His first instinct was to protect his own skin, without regard to the promises he had made. It was who he used to be, who I thought he would never be again. He was exactly who everyone said he was. All this time I had been too blind to see it.

"Hermione… I don't know what to say. I had to do whatever it took to get back to you! I didn't care what sacrifices I had to make, I just want to be with you." I wanted to believe him, but there was so much doubt in my mind that I was unable to silence it.

"You abandoned me. You put me through the most horrid years of my life." He stepped forward to me, pulling me close.

"I came back so I could make it up to you. I want to make things right, I want to start over. Please Hermione…" He kissed me lightly, and I melted. After everything, I couldn't resist him. Everything had changed, but he knew how to make me believe that everything was the same.

* * *

"Gin, I think I'm going to go for a drive." I said across the room. She nodded, but looked concerned. Not surprising, I've been concerning everyone around me since I can remember. 

"Yea, just borrow my car love." Ginny said, tossing her keys to me.

I left the flat and walked down the sidewalk to the car. I opened the door, got in, but I didn't turn the ignition. Instead I pulled back my sleeve. The gash was clear as ever, it had never healed fully. At the base of my arm, just below my shoulder, a huge cut marred my skin. Dark magic takes years to heal. It was the only visible scar left from my relationship with Draco, though the scars on my heart were just as deep.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

"Mia, wake up." I stirred and opened my eyes to my favorite sight in the world. His eyes.

"Don't call me that! My mother used to call me that when she had bad news, like 'Mia dear, you have to go to the doctor today. You may have to get a shot also, I'm sorry.' It is only connected with bad memories."

"Hmm then I'll start over. Hermione, my love, wake up. Today is a beautiful day." He kissed my forehead, and we lay together in the sunlight that streamed in though the curtains. It was one of those moments that you remember forever, because everything seems so perfect, if only for a second.

"I love you." I whispered. But if he loved me too, I never found out. Suddenly there was a loud crash and a blinding green light. That is the last memory I have of Draco. When I woke up I was alone, left with only a scar of the curse that had taken him away from me again.

Initially panic set in, but after a few days I knew that Voldemort had found him again. We would never be safe together. I wish there was some way… I wanted to make things work with us, but when the most evil wizard of all time has it in for you, there isn't much you can do.

I had just assumed that Draco was dead. I was coping. But I couldn't be here anymore. Everywhere I went something else reminded me of him. I had to get out. That's when I got the idea of moving to America. A change of scenery, and finally a chance to start over.

* * *

I began to drive down to crowded roads, navigating my way through the traffic, praying that I knew what I was doing. 

I drove north for hours, heading to a place I had never been before in my life. As I drove down these long roads I could feel the pain seeping out of my skin. This would be my closure.

I could feel the temperature change as I continued driving. It was getting dark and I was headed towards the sea. I didn't reach to coast until nearly 2 AM. I wasn't quite sure how to proceed from here. I would have to wait it out and get help in the morning. I pulled into a hotel parking lot and got a room for the night. When my head hit the pillow I fell directly asleep, glad to have some rest before saying goodbye at last.

* * *

-FLASHBACK- 

I lived well in America for several years, I met Eric. I was superficially happy. But one day, about 5 years after I married Eric, I received a letter. It contained some of the most disheartening news I'd ever read.

"To whom it may concern:  
We regret to inform you that one Draco Malfoy has been officially taken into custody by Ministry officials and will be held in Azkaban prison indefinitely. You are being contacted because our records indicate that you are of close relation to Mr. Malfoy. If you have received this message in error, we apologize for our misinformation.  
Sincerely, The Department of Magical Defense, England Ministry of Magic."

Draco was in Azkaban… He was suffering. He hadn't been killed but at this point it looked like a welcome alternative. I wasn't sure what to do with this information. Should I return home? Should I just leave it alone?

I had a life in America now, I had a life with Eric. But my heart was pulling me in two different directions. I could feel myself becoming more and more distant with Eric, he noticed it too. He tried to figure out what he did wrong. How could I tell him it wasn't him without telling him that he was competing with my first love?

I had to go back. But I had to stay.

* * *

When morning came, I drove to the shore again. I could see a speck of an island in the distance. I was afraid. I knew I couldn't turn back now however. I parked the car, locking it securely, and took a deep breath before apparating to the island. I was greeted by a guard. 

"Wand hand up please." So much for keeping my cool. I put my hands up, and the guard confiscated my wand. I was then escorted to the gate, where I was told to wait for the head of security. When I was finally greeted, I was surprised to see Neville Longbottom approach me, looking much older than the last time I saw him.

"Hermione, what a nice surprise. How are you?" He asked as he approached.

"I've been better, to tell you the truth… So you're in charge here?" He nodded, pointing to his security badge.

"Been head of security going on 4 years now."

"That's really great Neville. Quite an accomplishment." I nodded uncomfortably.

"Well I assume you didn't come here to visit me. Can I help you with something?"

"Yes I think you can. I was hoping I could have a visit with someone." He furrowed his brow.

"We usually don't allow visits unless it's a close relative, and normally its right before… before an inmate dies." I nodded.

"I hope maybe there could be a slight exception this time. I am here to see Draco Malfoy. I recently received a letter that he had been brought here. And I just wanted to tell him goodbye I suppose." Neville nodded.

"Don't go around telling people I broke the rules for you Hermione. But if you can make it rather quick I'll allow it." I nodded solemnly. "Follow me then."

We walked down several halls that were filled with offices and finally reached a large steel door, with several locks that looked impenetrable. Neville scanned his ID badge, allowing us to enter into a dank area that contained cells. When we walked by, the people would scream at us. I could hear their pain and sadness. This was the worst place on earth for a living person.

We walked down a flight of stairs and continued our trek for a few minutes. Finally Neville rapped his knuckle on one of the bars, stirring its occupant. An occupant with blonde hair, marred with dirt, and the grays of age. He looked up at us, and I saw only the shell of a man I used to know. He only slightly resembled the man I once took him for.

He crawled to the edge of his cell, staring intently. He recognized me, but his solitude and encounters with dementors had obviously driven him mad. I tried to find the words to express all the things I wanted to say to him. But nothing came.

Instead I reached out and took his hand in my own. I held it for what seemed like an eternity. His eyes locked with mine and for just a moment the sparkle I had once known returned to them.

"I'm sorry." He spoke in strangled tones. But then he withdrew his hand and shifted away from me. He was gone forever. And as a single tear dripped down my face, I couldn't help but wonder if true love really existed, or if it was something we manifested through out imaginations. Was is something to ease the pain, or was it the cause? It seems that it's all of that wrapped into one, perfect and wretched at the same time. Just like my Draco will always be to me…

* * *

THE END. I'm kinda sad its over... I am so terribly sorry for the delays, please forgive me. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn't I apologize. Please review either way. LOVE! DiM. 


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